301010 - all the small things

It is currently 1:20 AM on a Saturday, I am supposed to be sleeping, and I'm pretty sure my brother's Xbox is going to wake the whole house up.
Yes, it has been, what, nine days? Since I updated, but in my defence it still feels like Thursday last week. So, in my head, I didn't ignore my blog at all.
The award ceremony went as I expected - when we got there Dad couldn't understand why the coffee machine wouldn't work and insisted on finding out, I fixed my hair in the bathroom seventy times, my brother made himself tea and then did not drink it, my Dad decided a family photo would be nice, my Dad couldn't figure out how to take the lens of my camera off, the ceremony started and Dad sat next to me then continued to talk, and talk, and talk, while my brother noisily fiddled with the chair, and after about half an hour my brother and Dad had left. They came back just in time to see my name called out and to applaud me walking across the stage, then my brother took a few blurry photos where I am at least two heads taller than the three other girls.
We left about half an hour before it finished and got home at about 10:30. On Thursday the head of English presented my award on year assembly and people asked me about it all day. It. Was. Awful.

On Monday afternoon I was walking home and I smiled at a stranger, and he smiled back and said 'hi'. That made me smile the whole way home, it was incredible. I wish all strangers were like that.
On Tuesday afternoon I was walking home and I saw a patch of dandelions. I swear I have not seen a dandelion in so long. I picked one and blew all the seed things off but I forgot to make a wish. That same afternoon walking home I caught a Santa (I wished on that) and picked a pretty flower. I was so happy for the rest of the day.
And it was the little things, too. I decided to make a list of all the small things (true care, truth brings). I will most definitely miss things out because I love a lot of small things.
1. Blowing the seeds off of dandelions.
2. The sound glass bottles make when they roll on concrete.
3. How it feels when a shirt slides over my head.
4. When I clap and it's really loud.
5. Tapping my fingernails on the desks at school.
6. Pulling petals off of flowers.
7. When something is so sour it hurts my cheeks.
8. Pulling threads off of clothing.
9. Odd socks.
10. When ants work in teams to carry food.
11. When I randomly have a hiccup. Singular, not plural.
12. That my right shoe never goes on as easily as my left.
13. The word "rhombus".
14. My Winnie The Pooh pyjamas.
15. The froth at the bottom of the Iced Coffee bottle.
16. Really new, shiny coins.
17. Dragging my feet in grass.
18. The scroll button on my laptop mouse pad.
19. Peeling stickers off of bottles.
20. Drawing triangles and stars.

I haven't been playing a great deal of Solitaire lately as I have discovered the magic of *drumroll*... Spider Solitaire! But I am pleased to announce that I have just won my six hundred and second game of regular Solitaire.
Solitaire statistics:
Games played: 1353
Games won: 602
Win percentage: 44% (still)

I do not have a random question as it is 1:55AM and my brain is not functioning correctly. But then again, I haven't had a random question in a long time. Tomorrow... Maybe.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARISHKA.

201010 - entertain the pain

Today was pretty cool. I went to two sessions of lectures at a school in Toowoomba. An all girl's school. It was junior, middle and senior school and I swear I didn't even know there were that many girls in Toowoomba.
They all had perfect uniforms and their hair was all neat... I wish our school was like that but we're too scrubby-like.

Anyway, one of the sessions I went to was an author who really bugged me. She moved her head a lot when she talked and she made jokes but no one laughed. Except my teacher.
Must have been old people jokes.

Also, today I talked to four people who I normally wouldn't, just to be nice. I'm quite proud of myself, except one girl was very annoying after a while. She just kept talking even though no one was listening, and assumed that we care about whether she got her cousin a birthday present or not. To start with we made polite conversation with her but in the end I think everyone was ignoring her.
Rude, I suppose, but she didn't get the point...

In about fifteen minutes I am leaving for the award night, my parents aren't even dressed yet though. I really, really can't wait to sit in a car for two hours. Sarcasm, if you didn't catch that.
When we get there, about halfway through Dad will probably get bored and leave, then miss me getting my award, and we'll leave as soon as I get it. I know exactly how this will work.

My fish have gone funny. Last night they were just... Like, floating there, not belly up, no. But they weren't swimming around and they were all facing the same way. I thought that someone had killed them or osmething but their eyes were moving. At the moment they are swimming but not very much. I hope they don't die.

191010 - alexithymia

My Dad is crazy. He just picked up his phone and got a little bit upset when it wouldn't change the channel on the T.V.
Often he will try to call people using the T.V. remote- puts all the numbers in and asks Mum why there is no dial tone.
This is where I get it from, because apparently I am related to him.

Tomorrow is going to be horrible.
Wednesdays are all-school sport days and everyone in the school wears sports uniform. I have to wear my formal!
Not complaining though, I'm going on an excursion. Apart from last year when we went for a 5 minute walk to the lake (which is on the same street as the school), I haven't been on an excursion since... Like, grade seven. Apart from camps.
Anywho, I am going to a writing course in Toowoomba, but I only get to go to two sessions. Last year the group went to four, but then again this year there's only six going.
The only drawback of this is that we're going to get home after school is over, and we're leaving to Bardon for my award night at 4:30.
I don't know how long the award night will go for, but considering it's a two hour drive I think we'll be leaving as soon as I get the certificate. I don't really know why everyone is making such a big deal over it- when my aunt came down from Brisbane last week my parents were bragging about it, my SOSE teacher jumped up and down when she found out and talked about it with the class for five minutes, the H.O.D. of English congratulated me five thousand times before telling another teacher.
The only ones who aren't excited are me and my friends. My dodgy friends though, the N block bogans. When they heard they gave me funny looks and were like "that was the most depressing story ever, how did you get that?"
But yeah, it's really not that great... It's only a highly commended, after all. Ten bucks says there'll be five hundred other kids with crappy stories and highly commended certificates. I was excited at first until I thought about that.
In music today I told my friend that I gave up on writing. He's a really, really good writer himself and he was surprised and got all grr face. He even admitted that while we were writing a story in English he was trying harder than usual to try to impress me. *Laughs.
I also balances pencils on my nose in music and fell over at least three times. It was super embarrassing when the boyfriend turned around and saw. *Hopes he isn't reading this.

181010 - paperthin hymn

Really quick blog, and I am pretending that I didn't forget about my blog for EIGHT WHOLE DAYS. That's a long time for me. And it's not even like I got a life, either. I just... Totally didn't feel like writing. Instead I've been playing Sims non-stop. Someone give me a life.

So, I mentioned this new blog that I started a few updates back. I have decided to put my first post on this website and I made it look a little prettier too. It's yellow though. So...Yeah...
Here be the link:
http://sincerelycyanide.blogspot.com/2010/10/prologue-written-130910.html

I know this blog is really, really short but I have nothing to talk about. Actually that's a lie, I have a billion things to talk about, just not enough brain capacity to write it all down. Read that story thing on my other blog! ...Please.

101010 - it feels like home to me

Aloha! Today is probably the coolest day of my life so far. Not so much what's happened to day, the date. Look at it. Look at it. It's cool.
10/10/10.
In one year, one month and one day, it will be the 11/11/11. Just a fun fact: that is also one day after a certain person's birthday. Definitely not mine though, I don't have a birthday.

I am trying to write this blog really fast. That's because the boyfriend is on BRB and this will be the only chance I have at writing because he gives me a mindblank.
*Thinks.
Damnit, I have a mindblank and I'm not even talking to him. Not so much a mindblank though, I just don't have anything to talk about. Usually when I have a mindblank I can't write anything in general.

Today I got a new straightener! Sort of.
It's my sister's old straightener which she is selling to me for $50 because she got a GHD, and that's a pretty good deal because when she bought it new it was around $160.
So I'm really excited about my new straightener, it means less poofiness. If you went to school with me you would understand. I am like a Furby.
It's shameful to admit that my friend called me that last year.

At the moment I am in my sister's room on her laptop because my Dad has grown attached to my laptop and it's impossible to even be on it the length of time that it takes to write a blog.
And being in my sister's room means no music or shit music. So I am listening to shit music.
My sister listens to Pop. She has maybe two or three bands that aren't Pop.
And she loves Taylor Swift.
This is the part where I shoot myself because I hate chart music but it's too quiet when I don't have iTunes going.
There's this one band in particular, which I admit I do sort of like (only one or two songs though), that only sings about love. It does get annoying, really quickly.
They have really, really blatantly obvious song titles too. Eg. Falling, Happy, Again, Vanish, Beautiful, Tonight. And surprise, surprise, those are the words that are repeated seven hundred times in the chorus.
Little things.

Anywho, I have to mention that I now have a second blog. I don't know why I made it. I just felt like it. But it's not going to be a blog blog. I think I'm just going to put up snippets of stories I have written. I will give you a link when I start posting on it, at the moment I don't think it even has a background picture.

My straightener just went off because it's been on for over an hour. Now I have to wait for it to get hot again. Sigh.

It is currently 8:41 and I am waiting for 10:10. Between now and then I will think of an awesome wish for 10:10 10/10/10. Originally I was going to wish for Alex Gaskarth to fall in love with and marry me... But apparently that is called paedophilia.
It'd be worth it.

No random question because my mind is a very dull place to be tonight and I am very certain that the answer would be boring and obvious.
Farewell Rocketship.

081010 - colour me cliche (part two)

I noticed that my blogs are sort of getting further apart, every two or three nights. It's mainly because Dad has come to the conclusion that MY laptop is HIS and every time he says "I want to play a game of poker" I have to get off immediately. Plus I'm still getting very bad block, but blog-block isn't as bad as writers block. Blog block usually goes once I stop talking to a certain person, but writers block is a disease and is slowly killing me.

Oh, I forgot to mention. I got highly commended for a short story I entered into the 2010 Literacy Comp. I'm really proud of myself. It would have been cool to have come first or something, but the letter I got said that first prize winners had to read out their story on the award night. I got invited to an award night!
I suppose there's a first for everything, eh? But I have to have photos taken or some rubbish so I may have to wear a paper bag over my head.
There are only two set backs. The award night is going to be held in Bardon (Brisbo). When I told Dad where it is, he said "BARDON! Bloody Bardon!" Apparently it's a shit of a town.
And I am supposed to be going for some writing lecture thing on the 20th which is the same day as the award night. Hoping Mum will let me go to both.

The day after my Ellen blog, my friend told me that Ellen might be coming to Australia next year or the week after! Not even kidding, I almost cried. I have GOT to meet her.
My life would be complete. Almost...

Google has changed! Like majorly, check it.
Random question:
Last three people you hugged:
This is a super hard question, because I hug a billion people.
Dad hugged me when I got home. That's one.
I hugged Bren goodbye. That's two.
I hugged Jessica goodbye too. There's three.
Wow, I'm proud for remembering that.

I can't put my Solitaire scores because they haven't really changed. I haven't been playing much. I don't even know what I do on the laptop anymore.
Sorry for super long blog! I think I may cut this in half. Yes, good idea Jessica.
Kay, I cut it in half. How it looks very... Short.
I shall think of something else to talk about.

Oh yes! In math, we got an assignment (first week back, too. How dodgy) that is apparently 10 pages long. I got it on Tuesday but still haven't looked at it, even though we were working on it today.
For a part of it, we have to get a car off of the internet that we are going to buy (theoretically).
The school internet is slower than... Well, think of something slow and times it by ten and that's how slow the school internet is.  While I was waiting for a page to load, I started playing Solitaire on the school computer. You know, the crappy Solitaire, that you have to click the cards so that they turn over, and that doesn't have an Undo or Hint button.
My teacher didn't like this much but I told her that I was only playing it while I waited for things to load. Haaaaaa, yeah no.

Nother random question cause I can.
Random question:
What's the best and worst thing that happened to you today?
Best: I got taken out of science to show my friend who started at Lockyer today to her class, and where to meet me at lunch. Also, I learnt how to make an origami heart. That was pretty cool too. But the best part was probably walking to the store this arvo with the boyfriend. I don't know why, but that's usually my favourite part of the day.
Worst: Boyfriend ditched me at lunch, twice! Jokes, it really didn't bother me, just wanted to make him feel bad. Sorry. Hmm... Probably that my art teacher lost my assessment and I had to start again from scratch. Luckily I hadn't done much on it, but to get back at her I wasted some yellow paint, by putting it all over my hands and Rach's elbow. And my nose.

Kay, I'm done. Now this blog is probably way too long. Oh well.
Farewell Rocketship.

081010 - colour me cliche (part one)

So last night, Mum and Dad went out for dinner, leaving me home alone (I didn't want to go, I was curly) and I made myself noodles because I really didn't feel like take-out. I put some water on the stove to boil for noodles and was going waiting until the water had boiled to put the noodles in (please do not laugh at my poor sentance-putting-together skills). Unfortunately, I completely forgot and remembered when the kitchen started smelling and the bottom of the pot had gotten burnt and the water smelt funny. I burnt water. Or, as my helpful Facebook friends pointed out, the water "evaporated".
Then when the noodles had finished cooking I drained too much water and they tasted bad. Sad face.

Yesterday afternoon when I was walking home from my friend's place, I had to cross a pedestrian crossing. It was about twenty to six (and still not dark, it doesn't get dark until around 6 - 6:30 this time of year) and there was no cars around, luckily. But I've realised that I really hate crossing crossings when there are cars. I feel really awkward when they have to stop for me, so usually if there is a car coming, I will stand back and pretend I don't want to cross the road. I never know if I should wave to thank them for stopping or smile or what. Usually I just avoid eye contact (don't point out that they are in a car and it would be harder to make eye contact than to avoid it). I don't look at the car, I look at my feet, in other words.
Even though I hate cars stopping to let me cross, I hate it even more when I actually want them to stop so I can cross (again, my poor sentence skills). Yesterday when I was standing on the edge of the road waiting to cross at a pedestrian crossing (it was busy because school had just finished), at least three cars drove past without even slowing down. That really pissed me off as well as making me look like an idiot.

Today, my favourite teacher was not at school and I had a double with her. Of course, with my luck, the class got landed with the H.O.D. (Head of Department) of SOSE.
Let me tell you about her.
She is estimated to be three hundred and fifty years old.
She wears long, high, wear-on-your-waist skirts with floral shirts or "blouses" as she probably calls them.
Her hair is fluffy and very thin, like old people hair and white - but some hair at the front has been dyed black.
Her eyebrows have drowned in her forehead wrinkles.
She cannot pronounce her R's. Thwee, Pwimary, Camwon.
Put all this together and you get what?
Seventy minutes of Hell, usually.
Unless you are in my class. The old oaf thought we were laughing at the 'rebel' kid making idiot comments at the back. Really, 80% of the class was pointing out every time she said W instead of R. And we found it hilarious.
"Be vewwy vewwy quiet. I'm hunting wabbits!"

I just cut this blog in half, so I shall post that in a minute. It was very long and I thought that it would be better in two parts.

051010 - high hopes in velvet ropes

So, I have spent this afternoon stalking- I mean.. watching Ellen DeGeneres videos. She is my idol and I think I have fallen in love with her.

This is what she said in one video-

I am devastated by the death of 18-year-old Tyler Clementi. If you don't know, Tyler was a bright student at Rutgers University whose life was senselessly cut short. He was outed as being gay on the internet and he killed himself.
Something must be done. This month alone, there has been a shocking number of news stories about teens who have been teased and bullied and then committed suicide; like 13-year-old Seth Walsh in Tehachapi, California. Asher Brown, 13, of Cypress, Texas and 15-year-old Billy Lucas in Greensberg, Indiana. This needs to be a wake-up call to everyone: teenage bullying and teasing is an epidemic in this country, and the death rate is climbing.
One life lost in this senseless way is tragic. Four lives lost is a crisis. And these are just the stories we hear about. How many other teens have we lost? How many others are suffering in silence? Being a teenager and figuring out who you are is hard enough without someone attacking you.
My heart is breaking for their families, their friends and for a society that continues to let this happen. These kids needed us. We have an obligation to change this. There are messages everywhere that validate this kind of bullying and taunting and we have to make it stop. We can't let intolerance and ignorance take another kid's life.

Read more:
http://ellen.warnerbros.com/2010/09/its_time_to_end_teenage_bullying_0930.php#ixzz11TAw7IRk

It's so hard to believe that these four boys were pushed so far that they went to the extreme and took their lives. And it's pretty upsetting considering that I can easily believe that people can be this cruel. People are horrible, yes. There will always be those disgusting people in the world who define you by your looks, your family, your race, your culture. Your sexuality.
FUCK ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU DIFFERENTLY, all you are and all you can be is the person under the skin. Don't change for anyone, don't let anyone put you down.
I have plenty of gay friends. My lesbian best friend is possibly the coolest girl I know.
"Things will get easier, peoples minds will change and you should be alive to see it."

Dinner conversation with my mother:
Me: When I grow up, I am going to marry Ellen DeGeneres.
Mum: ... Okay. ... Why?
Me: Because she is so cool and I love her.
Mum: I think her wife might take offence to you marrying her.
Me: Too bad.
Mum: At least her wife is Australian. But by the time you grow up, Ellen will be old and you won't have to put up with her for very long anyway. That's how you want them - old and rich.
Okay, I'm sorry, I talked about Ellen a lot this blog, but I have other things to talk about. Like my crap English assignment.

English is usually my favourite subject. I have a Scottish teacher who is a good teacher (even though at times I cannot understand him). But this term every class got assigned a novel and because he is Scottish, my teacher chose some stupid book that is set in Scotland. In a place spelled Alba but is pronounced 'Alapa' (what?).
I am only three chapters into the book, but so far, I have come to the conclusion that the author took a Shakespeare play, wrote it in her own words, then wrote her 'own' story - exactly the same as the Shakespeare story, except in modern Australia - and compared the two. That is not writing. That is plagiarism. And the fact that she wouldn't be able to write to save her life makes things even worse.
I am going to fail English this term.
I just had a laugh attack. My boyfriend is scared of hates moths.

Random question (not really a question but I'll do it anyway):

10 things that make you happy.

1. In the morning, when I get to school and my best friend Jess runs to hug me first.
2. When the N block bogans are in a particularly good mood and I am given not one, but TWO frozen poppers.
3. The tuck shop's muffins. Best muffins in the world for $1.40. 
4. Guy's deodorant.
5. Thinking about Alex Gaskarth.
6. Writing letters to Jess. 
7. Justin Bieber jokes.
8. When my solitaire win percentage goes up by one.
9. Holding hands with my boyfriend.
10. My boyfriend in general.

It's been a while since I last played solitaire, but I shall start playing it again, if my laptop stops being a loser and freezing every few minutes.
Solitaire statistics:
Games played: 1201
Games won: 524
Win percentage: 43%

 

Sorry this blog was so long and Ellen-y.

I now need to shower as I smell like Matt's deodorant which I stole out of his bag at first break.

Farewell Rocketship (I get the urge to say that at the end of every blog...)

031010 - the hardest button to button

Sorry that I have been dead for so long (three days). I don't really have an excuse apart from the fact that I have spent the past three blog-free (hey, that rhymed) days procrastinating. Each night I would be on MSN or Facebook or both and I would go, "hey, I should write a blog... No, tomorrow. I'm not in a good enough, er, writing mood... Yeah... That's why..."
I can tell you though that I have a major headache. This morning I was woken up by someone stabbing (poking) me in the shoulder. Yes, I had a friend stay over. Yes, I have friends. Don't look at me like that.
It's believable.

My legs are literally about to fall off, they are that sore. I went to Relay For Life last night (fund-raiser for cancer survivors) and walked laps non-stop for ages with the boyfriend and Rachael or whoever would join us. My year co-ordinator now knows who I am dating and decided she would walk a lap with us. That could not have been more awkward.
But seriously, my year co-ordinator is really cool, she just knows how to annoy me. We get along though.
Last night while we were walking laps around the footy field, there was a group of guys drinking. Rachael got very angry at this and I totally agree - it is so wrong to get drunk at a charity event. They were being complete assholes to the walkers, us included. Most of the times we walked past they would call things out to Rachael.
It was just so rude though, considering how many young people were there. I don't think I will ever get drunk in public when I'm older. I don't want to ever be so drunk that I lose control of myself, I take after my mother.
Last night was good though. I got to spend time with my boyfriend after two weeks of holidays and I had a lot of fun between the poke wars and listening to him play my favourite songs. But just to clarify, I did NOT sing, I hummed. End of.

I just opened solitaire for the first time in about a week. Someone has been playing it, and changed the background and the pictures on the card. Now I'm really annoyed, they better not have ruined my awesome statistics.
Solitaire statistics:
Games played: 1176
Games won: 512
Win percentage: 43%

My eyes are all red and blotchy now because of the mascara I wore last night - when we got home we pretty much went straight to bed, as in turning off light and pretending to be asleep when Dad woke up. I didn't wipe off my make-up, which is gross, but I was way too tired. It's also waterproof, so I'm going to have to scratch my eyes out to get it off.
A few weeks ago, I had mascara on at school, and it wasn't overly noticeable. My English teacher looked at me after doing the roll and said, "you're looking very grown-up today, Jessica". I gave him a confused look and he continued, "are you wearing eye make-up?"
That really pissed me off. I wasn't wearing dark make-up, I wasn't wearing raccoon eyeliner, I wasn't wearing three layers of orange foundation. Some of the girls in that class who wore make-up every day NEVER get in trouble for it, no matter how obvious it is. Sigh.

Random question and then I am going to play Sims.

Who is your best friend?
This is something that always upsets me talking about. I'm going to put the whole story here.
I won't put her name. I met her in grade seven on MSN through my friend who changed schools.
We talked a lot on MSN and about half way through grade eight we met. We got along really well. I told her everything, she was the one person who knew me inside and out. And I say knew because now she wouldn't even be able to tell you the colour of my eyes.
She's really sick at the moment. See, her Dad passed away just a little while before I first talked to her. She struggled with depression for all of last year and a few months ago she broke down. Her Mum sent her to her Grandma's and I didn't hear from her for a month. I couldn't stand it, I knew nothing.
On the 9th of September, one day before her birthday, she sent me a message on Facebook. She explained everything.
My best friend, the girl who I could talk to about anything, no matter what, was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and psychotic depression.
All she remembers about me is my name and that I am her best friend.
That was the last time I talked to her. She's down in Perth now, hopefully getting all the help she can. Maybe she'll come back and remember everything. Maybe she'll come back a completely different person. All I can hope for is that she is okay.
I do miss her though, every day. She honestly was the strongest person I ever knew.

I've gone and got myself all upset now. Sorry for the depressing update. Sims, here I come.